Whiskey, Bad Decisions & Adventure (Part 1)

It began over a couple of whiskeys…How all good stories begin…

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…That we made a random plan to travel to Coast. Given my stellar track record of bad decisions especially when it comes to random plans…I didn’t even think before I was like…

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We had about three weeks to sort out the logistics…some decided on flying down…but I? I’m a road trip kind of person…there’s just something about the hours of sitting down and looking out the window that I absolutely love…I’m just a happy pooch like…

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PS – The enthusiasm on this dogs face is the same one I have when rushing to make bad decisions…

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Back to the story…so a week to D-Day, we find out that the person who was supposed to book our accommodation was a pata potea kinda nigga…nigga for Kiini Macho deep…he promised us a modern beach house with an infinity pool but was really going to deliver a bed sitter and a basin filled with thoughts of dufo mpararo…I’m still hurt…

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But just for kicks…Wanna know how we found out we were homeless? Someone called the house to inquire on the booking and found out that the owners of the place were going to be staying there till the holidays. My sentiments?

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A nigga played us…anyway…we now had five days to look for a place…but thank the good Lord that we had a professional desktop researcher in the group because we stumbled upon this… Cowrie Shell Beach Apartments

 

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And even better were the rates…around Ksh. 2000 bob a night! Fam…

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But that experience is a story for later…

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So fast forward to D-Day…had my bags packed, my ticket in hand on a Modern Coast that was departing at 10:30 pm. There I was…happily trotting along to the bus stop straight…COAST HERE WE COME!

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On my way there I get a text from the bus company informing me of a half hour delay because of some unforeseen issues they encountered…I was chill..30 minutes isn’t so long right?

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Wrong…30 minutes turned into a couple of hours…we were kept waiting till midnight…

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Like…

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And get this…when he got there, the driver had no apology…in fact, all he had for us as we were getting into the bus was, “Harakisheni jameni…mwatuchelewesha!” I was like…

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It took a lot for me not to go in this direction…

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But I did a lot of this…

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We had to endure a couple more painfully time-consuming glitches but at around 1am we were finally on the road…hallelujah!

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But I also have to mention that someone told me we would get water/juice and biscuits from the bus for the trip…well…

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But I’ll be petty on another day…

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So I settle into my book…i’m comforatble…we are moving…I mean..

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But y’all know…

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Because maybe ten or so minutes into the ride, the woman next to me decides to launch an assault against my nostrils. She had the burps…commonly known as kudhefea.

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I can’t even begin to describe that putrid smell…It was like a kinungi cabbage from 2013 and a whole cart of boiled matumbes from those roadside caterers…with a ting of firifiri…urgh…just the thought…

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And boy was she liberal in letting that shit out in all directions…Lawd Jesus…

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Luckily enough…she fell asleep. Much to the relief of everyone she assaulted…God is faithful brethren…

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Fast forward to Mtito Andei pee break, we were given 10 minutes by our very pleasant driver…I didnt care to use the bathroom, but rather stretch my legs and enjoy a drag…after all we weren’t too far from the coast…right?

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Let me tell you…there is this disaster that is the road right after Voi…we were on that murram for an eternity…my advice:

  1. Pee at every stop you get!
  2. If you like driving down to Coast, please just wait for the road to be finished…otherwise…

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So a couple more hours of bumps and dust into the trip; I watched the sun rise, watched a child throw up all the njahi they had for supper the previous night and watched the rest of the passengers get hot and bothered…it was insane…I was just like…

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So when we get to Mariakani thereabout…there was a guy who wanted to alight…he had bitched endlessly so he basically earned the title Captain Kimenyi…like..

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So he rocks up to the driver and asks him to drop him off at the next stop…Problem is, the driver didn’t have the key to the boot…so unfortunately for you if your stop was not Mombasa…

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Captain Kimenyi then took it upon himself to call out all the sins of the driver since the trip began…like up in his ear kinda call out like…

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Driver was like…

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Nigga pulled over and before we knew it…Clap Back Season was upon us!

This was us from our seats…

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Now, we all know some common facts such as: You do not want to get into a war of words with a coastarian. Neverduit! This driver dropped words like mapumbu, unafirwa…you really dunno what that shit means but you know its heavy…Proof? The look on the face of one of the passengers whose only expression was…

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Needless to say, Captain Kimenyi backed the fuck up…

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After hours of bumps, burps and an episode of Clap Back Season, We finally checked into Mombasa at 9:30am…I was just happy that trip was over…and I survived it…

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…but friends, the chaos and utter madness I was yet to experience in Mombasa…

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Stay tuned…

 

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2 thoughts on “Whiskey, Bad Decisions & Adventure (Part 1)

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